Naming Names

by Roy Ivy

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released September 15, 2010



all rights reserved


Roy Ivy Chicago, Illinois

Before moving to Chicago, Roy Ivy was a choirboy for The Polyphonic Spree and the drunken oaf leader of the perpetually doomed The Tah-Dahs.

But after a move to Chicago and a heinous divorce, he began compulsively writing and sloppily recording the songs you're hearing on Bandcamp.

"Imagine Jonathan Richman going to the dark side and stealing your drink. That's Roy Ivy"

– David Fricke
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Track Name: Bela Legosi's Bored
I apologize for misusing the word "precocious."
Just couldn't take my eyes off your neck.
But I feel vindicated, I was truly twitterpated,
and i think that time I used the word correct.

And the blood of the innocent don't pay the rent.
And I ain't scared of daylight anymore.
I don't wanna be immortal.
Wish this coil would get more coital
Bela Lugosi's bored.
Track Name: Pepe Le Pew
I tend to give up easily, cuz no one's worth chasing anymore/but i never met a girl like you before/
i wanna pursue you, and i wanna woo you/ you're what i'm all about now/I'm Pepe Le Pew
It's gothy and stupid and I don't know why/
it's the dumbest thing i ever said and really meant in my life: "making love to you would be the coolest way to die."

You're prettier than everybody else.

I'd rather be alone than have a girl who wasn't you/I won't make due with phony stripes I gotta explain all my jokes to/It's all up to you, i got everything to lose/ I'm gonna pounce pounce pounce I'm Pepe Le Pew

It's stupid and gothy and i don't know why/It's the creepiest thing I ever said or meant or thought in my life: Making love to you would be the coolest way to die.

Cause You're prettier than everybody else
You're funnier than everybody else
you're cooler than everybody else
You're better than everybody else

PEE-EW, Pee-ew, I'm Pepe Le Pew
For you, I'm Pepe Le Pew.
Track Name: Bittersweet Jane
Well Bittersweet Jane went off of the chain and decided to name some names. He only got halfway through the alphabet before the irony took him away.
and it's a crime that everyone's guilty of, but someone takes it for the team. He says, "If a-z could set me free, the numbers wouldn't have a new name for me."

Well Cathleen Sheeny said with Dylanesque phrasing that "The stop should buck right here." She had married a man who didn't go with her plan of feeling more loved than feared. She put her head on his thigh and knew he would die while she was still lookin good. And when she finally left, she drank herself to death, and then moved back to Hollywood.

And the angels won't talk to me anymore.

Well, Adaline Bacon said "I'm no longer faking it, I don't get wet anymore." She was a helluva soaker for her hipster Al Roker, that safe generic bore. He wished with all of his cock and half of his heart that they'd stay Facebook friends. But she was out of his league and he's off of the team, "Ah crap, I gotta do this shit again?"

Well Kelly Dunderhead gave such amazing head cause she threw out her heart and brain. She kept her box of contempt and a closet full of arrogance, a dazzling display. She blew her wad on cocaine then he came on her name then she bought another bag. She says, "I gotta stay mean, if you know what I mean. Ain't dating such a drag."

Well it was hardly romantic, it was awfully pedantic cause the kids don't dance these days. They they that they could do better and a Scarlet Letter means they shouldn't change their ways.
And back on memory lame, ol' Bittersweet Jane is still barking at his ghosts. He says, "breaking up is easy to do, being forgotten hurts the most."
Track Name: Mark Commits Suicide!
There's a reason why I smoke 3 packs a day
a reason that no doctor knows my name
i'm taking it all with me to my grave.
I don't wanna hang around the kids who know they're going to heaven, they're smug and the music's horrible
and i don't wanna hang around the folks who know they're going to hell, yeah, that's swell, well i used to be 16 too.

I can't take the living with the fussing and the fibbing and the premise is wearing thin.
Nobody goes out like that anymore, so give credit when credit is doing himself in.

Thank God you couldn't see your own funeral, the turnout was good, but your body drove em outta the room and there weren't any girlie-girlies crying for you, cept maybe a few, but not the ones you wanted to. Thank God you couldn't see your mama's reaction, she broke every dish in the kitchen. and she knew that you had died without being saved. well, that's okay. sometimes it just works out that way.
Track Name: Goldie Hawn
Well me and Goldie Hawn were a pretty good team.
I think what drove us apart was I smoked too much weed. And when love is formed from infidelity, there's no way to go but down down.
And maybe I was drunk through all our courtship
maybe I was blind to the grand design
when two rams butt heads it really sounds like thunder.
my god i wish she was still mine.

Oh me and Goldie Hawn coulda kept it together, but i thought i was some kinda rock star. whatever problems we had i shoulda worked through 'em, cause Goldie Hawn knows you grow old in bars.

And i'll never forget the first time that I kissed her cause she would up getting a concussion.
and that became a running gag that went too far
and i'm sorry i jumped out of your car.
and i'm sorry i married a lesbian.
i'll forever fawn for you, Goldie Hawn.

She writes a lot of songs that are better than mine, she's got a lot of hair and can hold her wine, and those big blue eyes will always haunt me for life,
goddamn i wish she was still mine.

there's nothing worse than a graphic artist,
leavin' pearl necklaces on all the swine
but she's got the heart and the art and actual purpose
goddamn i wish she was still mine.

i'm glad she found someone to treat her like a princess, and he's fuckin' cool and he treats her fine.
but if he dies i'm hopping a plane to dallas.
cause goddamn, i wish she was still mine.