The Man is Fat

by Roy Ivy

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released December 31, 2012



all rights reserved


Roy Ivy Chicago, Illinois

Before moving to Chicago, Roy Ivy was a choirboy for The Polyphonic Spree and the drunken oaf leader of the perpetually doomed The Tah-Dahs.

But after a move to Chicago and a heinous divorce, he began compulsively writing and sloppily recording the songs you're hearing on Bandcamp.

"Imagine Jonathan Richman going to the dark side and stealing your drink. That's Roy Ivy"

– David Fricke
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Track Name: Tendencies
Do you love me
do you love me
do you love me
people have a tendency to falllin in love with me
but they never love me long
do you want me
do you want me
do you want me
people have a tendency to wanna a little piece of me
but they never want me for long

Well I've heard "I'll love you til I’m dead,"
And the love sure died but I don't see corpses
People have a tendency to leavin' me

Well there's lots of sickness, not much health
Poorer and lesser is the card I'm dealt
People have a tendency to leavin' me
Track Name: Raw Vegan
We made sure the ducks wouldn't die because of out six-packs
we tested our moves in the mirror before we hit the dance floor
we talked a lot of shit to stay the life of the party
We cared about things I don't care for anymore

We snorted lots of stuff to stay photogenic
We cried racism at every single art form
When it was yellow it was mellow, when it's brown
We turned it to compost
We cared about things I don't care for anymore

I wanna drive a dirty diesel that gets one mile per gallon
I wanna stomp on that gas pedal in my new leather shoes
I wanna shoot a pistol while I eat a goddamned hotdog
Wanna finally feel like I've got nothing to lose
I wanna kill endangered species with my friend Ted Nugent
Go to Mount Holyoke and check out some boobs
I'm gonna mismatch plaids and dress like my dad and
And finally feel like I've got nothing to lose

We touted snooty Danish films and dressed just like Kanye
We plotted our popularity like a war
We disavowed our friends if they weren't vegan, raw vegan
We cared about things I don't care for anymore
Track Name: Taking Myself Out on the Town
if great minds stink alike
then my soul mate is in the same funk
we hate people/but we're lonesome/
but who needs a new excuse to get drunk
so you go on your own/and you stand on your own
you can hear everybody's thoughts
like an angel from wings of desire
without no desire and no Peter Falk
nothing is worth writing home about

it's like everyone I liked went on strike
and these are the scabs
it's a play I hate by heart
performed by a lesser cast
I know every piece of ass that passes
ain't worth the world of shit that comes down
im taking myself out on the town

I'm gonna barge
Through the sea
Of people better looking than me
And people much worse looking that me
Who make me feel a little better about me
I'm a very good listener
Since everyone's so loud
You punched your weight I ain't worth writing home about

it's inappropriate for men my age
to hang out on a night this young
all parties involved agree
it looks disgusting from every angle
but it's my special day
it's time to paint it brown
I'm taking myself out on the town
Track Name: There is a Light That Goes Out
i wanna see people and i want to see lights
but they're horrifying bores and it's far too bright
that joke was never funny in the first place
referential, because the well is dry, crying on the inside
the beers of a clown
hang the DJ's mother while you're at it

I get all choked up on talk of love and hope
violent bile just building in my throat

It won't be over soon
There ain't no turnabout
There's no such thing as a light that never goes out
Every bundle of joy comes swaddled in doubt
There's no such thing as a light that never goes out

Pure humiliation every time i try to pass as one of you
utter devastation every time i strive to feel alright for a second or two

But a rock feels pain
and islands cry all night
someone should tell Cheap Trick that we're not alright
Track Name: How Low Can You Go?
I want another 9/11
And I want my parents to die
And I want a new rock bottom
Cause I forgot how to cry
And I want to see what happens
When I stop trying to win
And I want the windy city gutted
For diggin up the rut I'm in

When you get so high you can't get high no more
And you wanna die but the people just gotta know
How low can you go

When you fake a smile it's like your passing a stone
And when they ask how you're doin they really just wanna know
how low can you go?

All the people wanna know just how low you can you
Track Name: Full of Beans
I broke my savior's back
That's why there's two sets of footprints
The weight of my sins
Is like a hundred half-ton teens
I'm a walking talking tumor
With a broken sense of humor
Making holes in my jeans
I'm just full of beans

I tried my mama's patience
To the point where no medicine could do
I tried my baby's patience
(now)She (just) stares into space from the other side of the room
I took all their goodwill until I busted all the seams
Don't know why I'm giggling
I'm just full of beans

If I'm having a good time, it's a sign of depression
Whoop whoop
If you don't see me crying it's a sign of depression
Whoop whoop
If I'm doin a kegstand
Or coke in the bathroom
If I'm taking the time
To even get to know you
It's a sign of depression
It's a sign of depression

I used to have ambition
And boners that could conquer concrete pussy
But now I'm watchin tv
And whinin' like some namby pamby wussy
I'll run my ragged body
Off the edge if I please
And you know that I ain't bluffing