It's a Shame About Roy

by Roy Ivy

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released August 24, 2013



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Roy Ivy Chicago, Illinois

Before moving to Chicago, Roy Ivy was a choirboy for The Polyphonic Spree and the drunken oaf leader of the perpetually doomed The Tah-Dahs.

But after a move to Chicago and a heinous divorce, he began compulsively writing and sloppily recording the songs you're hearing on Bandcamp.

"Imagine Jonathan Richman going to the dark side and stealing your drink. That's Roy Ivy"

– David Fricke
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Track Name: Don't Cheat on Me With Someone Ugly
Don't cheat on me
with someone ugly
I know you well and I can smell it coming from a mile away
But don't cheat on me
With someone ugly
If you gotta do it do/do somebody/handsomer than me

Use good taste
Make sure he's clean
Try to catch the cutest boy that you've ever seen (who isn't me)
I'm sorry that I didn't hold up
And I'm sorry that I'm not enough
But if you gotta scratch that itch
Make it something to be proud of

You're better than this
And both of us know it
You got a shot to be rotten
Baby don't you blow it
Don't waste your halo
On a homely squatter
Don't waste your well
On dirty water

But don't cheat on me
With someone ugly
Have some respect and trade up
To someone out of your league
But don't cheat on me
With someone ugly
If you gotta do it do somebody handsomer than me
It ain't hard to find somebody handsomer than me
Track Name: I'm European Now!
I wear form-fitting pants
All of our pants fit well
All my trains run on time
I went to college for free

Drink when you're sixteen
Smoke and drink where I want
My lunch breaks are two hours
Get three-month holidays

Arrogant, diligent, disciplined
Wine loving pacifist with perfect skin
Cobblestone street walker with one kid
Flamboyant close-talker ready to go clubbin'

Ain't no electoral college
I'm rockin' a speedo
I'm putting mayonaisse on shit
I'm dancing to techno

I see boobs on tv
I take my dog with me
Of course we take the stairs
Techno is everywhere
Track Name: Cracked Out
Ain't that a kick in the pants
Chin up, it makes no difference
gnashing me teeth
cause there's no one to punch
it's coming down hard, honey
call it a hunch
cracked out.

Ain't that a kick in the nuts
root for humanity, but
they're never gonna give a hoot for you
they'll give the boot to you
but they won't root for you
cracked out

I wanna hit the man upstairs so hard
then I'll kick his kid right in the nards
the fever's hotter than a pepper sprout
and i'm not foamin', i'm just roamin'
and i'm all cracked out
and i'm not crazy, i'm just lazy
and i'm all cracked out
i'm not hurried but i'm worried
and i'm all cracked out
cracked out
cracked out
cracked out